Silent Tears
by ChiharuSato22
Summary: Because our tears are silent. You cry and I cry but it never comes out. But, it's time to let that go. I'm no longer who I was and who you loved and you are dead and gone. LightxL // Warning: Ever-so-slightly depressing... Oh, and spoilers, too.


_**Silent Tears...**_

Light was sitting on the rooftop of the building. What was he doing there? Well, getting drenched by the pelting rain, but first and foremost, recollecting memories. So many smiles so much laughter. He had been... genuinely happy then. Was the world worth losing his lone happiness for? Well, of course, the answer was yes. That was what Kira thought. But Light? Light couldn't help thinking, somewhere in the back of his mind, that Kira was wrong and that his small happiness wasn't going to cost anything but the betterment of wiping out Kira. However, those corners of Light's mind were banished by Kira's thoughts--his sinister plans. It was so... sickening to Light. Now, you may wonder what this small "happiness", as Light called it, was for him. It was simply what he and Ryuuzaki, or rather L, shared. A small love, a simple relationship--it was nothing extravagant. They had never done anything big, it was just a little secret between them--their little secret... that had a nice ring to it. Yes, it was theirs and theirs alone. Now, was he willing to sacrifice this little happiness that he'd found for once for his goals? One could call it selfish, but they have no right seeing as to what was going through Light's mind at the time. He was, in a sense, in a time of turmoil. Yes, everything had gone according to his "plan"--everything but that "little secret", that "little happiness" he had finally found. He had finally found his peace. Was it all worth giving up now? No, the only miscalculated thing was that he'd develop feelings for Ryuuzaki, L. People say that Light Yagami, or rather "Kira", was completely disgusting and filthy in the way he thought. But, now put yourself in his shoes, would you do the same? Of course, you would say no, but how can we be certain? Only those integral and honest enough to say yes are right. Yes, you would. So, don't compare notes until you know what he is going through. Well, enough with this rather long and pointless discussion. I am probably angering you right now for calling you, possibly, "liars" and then ending this discussion so abruptly, but we must go on as to discuss the events of that point in time so as not to miss it with this rant distracting you.

Light was terribly upset and the way he looked was not much better than what he felt. He was dripping, from head to toe, of rain water. It was rather unsightly but he didn't care right that moment. Shaking his head in an attempt to clear his head, he turned back to the door and exited the rooftop, returning to his designated room and heading to dry off. Not only could he not decide, he was really not in the mood to be thinking such depressing thoughts.

* * *

Light had long dried off and had started a little search in an attempt to find Ryuuzaki. Well, to say the least, it was in vain. The man was nowhere to be seen. Having checked almost every place but the landing platform for the helicopters on the roof--yes, the roof that was being pelted by so much heavy rain that it could be easily mistaken by sleet. So, deciding that he may as well look there, having nowhere else to look otherwise, he, once again, trudged up the stairs and headed to the landing. Sure enough, L was there. He was standing, standing in the exact spot that Light had previously been and was staring into the distance. Only able to guess as to what could be crossing that man's mind, Light ave up his attempts to hypothesize and called out to him. As if only vaguely hearing him, L turned around and held a hand to his ear. Light called out to him again. Still, L, rather childishly, held up a hand cupped around his ear and mouthed to Light a simple "I can't hear you." Sighing out of pure exasperation and giving up on another attempt to get Ryuuzaki to hear him, Light took a step into the torrent of rainfall and was, almost instantly, pelted and drowned in water. Ryuuzaki chuckled softly like a child who had just gotten what they had wanted from their parents through the most deceptive and most obvious of means. Kira would have snarled but Light laughed in amusement and walked toward L. Taking a good look at him, Light could see that his black hair was plastered to his face and his clothes were clinging to his skin like a thin film. He was shivering and looked even thinner and more tired that he normally did. Whatever he had been thinking about clearly had worn him out. That was unseemly of the world's greatest detective and the L raised from, by far, the most prestigious institution of its time, Wammy's House. It would take a great deal of stress and thinking to make this man so weary. Kira would have snickered at the sight of his mortal enemy looking so pathetic and drained, but Light, well, what was left of Light's conscience, couldn't help but feel sympathetic. Almost lovingly, he reached out to touch L's face before his hand was grabbed by L's. "Please, Light-kun." L said, the formal term had almost been forgotten but added as though it was an afterthought. Then, as though changing what he had been so determined to say, he whispered, "I'm sorry about all this." and then let go of Light's hand. Light looked at him oddly, a hint of sadness and understanding in his eyes and at the same time, a hint of cynical humour. L could clearly see both and was significantly hurt. Light's mind was racing--trying to push Kira away--but Kira persisted. After all, Kira was a strong being but also another completely different entity than "Light Yagami" though he inhabited the same body.

The two exchanged near no words for the passing seconds, or possibly minutes (they had lost track by then). It seemed like an eternity before any of them spoke. "I." they both started simultaneously. Shaking his head, L murmured, "No, you speak first, Light-kun." the name had, once again, been an afterthought. The corner of Light's lips twitched in slight amusement at seeing L so shy. Really, parts of him were tingling with raw desire to just embrace the man before him, but part of him refused to so blatantly be emotional as though emotions were a sin in themselves. So frail, so weak--he had never seen the great L like that. The twisted parts of him, Kira, cackled manically while Light couldn't help but soften in a sort of understanding and a sympathetic yet gentle gaze. L couldn't help but relax yet tense up around Light. It was... just the way their relationship went. They were tense yet completely relaxed around each other--completely open yet shut like a box. To put it simply, they knew everything and absolutely nothing about each other aside from the fact that they were in love. That was all there was for them to hold onto--the only thing they could count on and rely on. After all, Light didn't know even L's true name. To those who want to jeer and laugh at him for not knowing this simple fact, you should be ashamed of yourselves for being able to laugh so cruelly in such a terribly sorrowful predicament. The scene itself was indescribably depressing. Though, at the same time, there was this bit of hostility between the two even as they touched each other's faces ever-so-gently, there was this harshness about the air. As though there was this tension that stubbornly refused to fade away, absolutely refused to leave, just like their undying love for one another that burned true even though they knew part of it would never be real, never be true because, in all due respect, there was one part of it that would always be fake.

As they held each other's hands now, refusing to go any further, they looked into each other's eyes and reached a mutual understanding that this would be the last time that they could ever touch, that they could ever be this close because in little or no time, the little happiness that they'd built up would come crashing down. That little bit of happiness and peace had been all that they'd wanted and now...? Now? Well, now it'd all come to a halt. Yes, it'd come to a halt because of Kira, something far too large for either of them to understand alone. Yet, together, just then, they'd realized the true meaning of love and the true meaning of death. Yes, they knew that one of them, most likely L, would depart from this world in an only too short period of time. Not only that, the realization that they only had this little precious time left. It was almost amusing to think that they would be at the beck and call of some sort of demon created by Light's ulterior conscience. They would be at the beck and call of something so trivial yet something so strong and fortified that it could even destroy them and the whole world if it wanted. The thought of it terrorized their minds. So, tonight, as though pre-planned, would be the night that they would be forced to part. Once, as though only a hazy memory that seemed like a distant dream, they had said 'Until death do us part" but now... death seemed so nea  
L inhaled sharply as though unable to breathe properly otherwise. "Can you hear them, Light-kun" he asked in a voice barely audible. So much so that Light had been forced to lean over to hear him.

"Hear what, Ryuuzaki?" he asked, clearly confused.

L smiled for moment as though in deep thought and then replied almost as softly as before, "The bells." Obviously confused as to how Ryuuzaki could hear anything over the pouring rain that could be that distant and the fact that there were no bells that were significant enough to be heard from where they were. L gave an amused chuckle and then continued to speak in a voice that barely achieved the volume of a whisper. "They're really awfully loud today, aren't they, Light?" he said absently as he had forgotten his previously formal demeanor. As though not for Light to hear, he muttered under his breath but just loud enough for Light to hear, "They could be for anything... a wedding, a church..." he paused without finishing. Both of them knew what he was going to say. "Or for a funeral."

* * *

As silently as possible, the two had returned to the inside of the building. They now sat on the small flight of stairs near the entrance, drying off in a vain attempt to not leave a trail of water. Light had a towel draped over his head, his face hidden. There was a pain in his eyes that he desperately wanted to hide knowing that pain was weakness. Kira was not to have any weaknesses. Once again, the question buried deep in his conscience surfaced--could he kill L? Could he eliminated his happiness for the "greater purpose" of relinquishing evil from the world? Did the end really justify the means? Those questions plagued his mind and absolutely refused to give up. They screamed for him to bury his pain, bury his love, bury his feelings and become that dreadful machine, that immense evil, that... unfeeling murderer again. Of course, in the end, did Light really have a choice? No, of course not. This pain he still could recognize, this fear he still could acknowledge. Even with L by his side, could he stand strong? With love and love alone, could he really abandon all else? Of course not. It was human nature to want more than what they were given. But, in the end, you're left with less than what you had.

As though knowing the dark nature of Light's inner thoughts, L interrupted by walking up to him. Surprised, Light looked up. L smiled serenely but the pain was evident. The quiet throbbing of his heart in his chest became more painful with each restless beat. They knew, they both knew, today was the day of his death. No matter what he did to suppress that knowledge, he knew. Without a doubt, he would die. Light smiled up at him, still a twinge of pain evident in his eyes. It was as though tears would not allow themselves to escape. L knelt down in front of Light on the staircase, perplexing Light. Slowly and gently, L picked up one of Light's feet and began to dry it with the towel that had previously been on his head. Wincing, Light asked him to stop. L ignored the gesture and words and continued. Giving up on the hope that L would stop, Light sat back and waited. After a moment's thought, he took the towel off of his own head and began to dry L's hair. This surprised L and he looked up, stopping. Light just smiled and murmured softly, "Do you think we should be getting back? They might be worrying." L just nodded and the two stood up. One last time, their last embrace, that was what that motion had been. It was, in a sense, their own solemn good byes, the last thing they could do for each other. Such a simple gesture with pain buried deep in their actions but still that same loving touch lingered with every interaction they made.

* * *

Talking through the computer screen to Watari, or otherwise known as Quillish Wammy, suddenly, there was a groan and a thump and the connection was lost. In panic, L stood up and called wildly to Watari but no answer came. Light, no, Kira, stood in the background, a sneer on his face while Light watched in horror as the events before him occurred while he could do nothing. "Where is the shinigami?" L asked, looking around. Panic arose throughout the group of investigators. The shinigami could no longer be seen. L opened his mouth as though to speak before there was the sound of metal hitting concrete and his spoon had dropped along with L. L's eyes, wide by now, looked up only to greet the face of his killer, Kira, who held him so tight in his arms, screaming for him to come back with the same sneer on his face. L opened his mouth to speak again but the words only came out in short gasps for air. Unable to sustain him any longer, his lungs and heart gave out and his eyes closed slowly. His last thoughts lingered, though. _I knew it, but..._ and it was never completed. With that last gesture, Light's inner conscience gave up, it died along with L, crying in his heart, crying silent tears.

_The End_


End file.
